Ratul is one of my closest friend. He has the habit of babbling a lot. I wondered sometime if he ever even stopped to breath when he would start his babbling. He had the distinction of speaking even without any trace of air left in his lungs. Heck I had seen him babbling insult(I am being modest here) at a guy twice his size even when he was being beaten to a pulp(I guess the beating increased many fold when he realized what a fool Ratul was making out of him just with his mouth even when the crap was being beaten out of him)by him but the fun part started after he was done with him cause if there was some news Ratul didn't know well it didn't existed and he was the master chef of gossip.
In my two years of stay with him, I figured part of his technique that made him so damn notorious in our friend circle. He would usually imply only a certain part of the thing while leaving the rest for our dirty mind to work out. He had another ace up his sleeve the I can make you fight card. He would often blabber one thing from one person to another and end up getting them to fight each other. Yes! He would be there to watch it with uncontrollable laughter. I wonder if he like Antony would say to himself after he did these things " Mischief, thou art afoot.Take thou what course thou wilt!".(haan bhen ke lodon mein yahan pe apne angreze ke skills jhaad raha tha, Thekh hai bhai itna lamba chauda panchnama type kar raha hoon kuch to show off karunga)
Now we move off to another main character of our story The Beard Man (offcourse codenamed). And then to the third important dish in our menu "The Gujjrati"(double jj's so as to not offend any of our gujju ;) brethren)
Ratul: "Oye Gujjrati tere maa ke chut bhen ke laude!
Gujjrati: "Maine kya kiya hai be?"
Ratul:"Harami aaj canteen mein mujhe dekh ke sara samosa ek baar mein kha gaye"
Now for those of you unfamiliar with Ratul's daily routine let me enlighten you. His routine of lunch time involved secretly following The Gujjrati to the canteen who would try to make sure no one was around and then buy his lunch it was at this time that he and the rest of our gang(Yes!! We were damn food thief during school. Guess I owe a lot of kids their lunch money.) would attack and eat whatever we could get our hands on (Yeah Yeah! I know we were not just mere thief we were scavengers) Ratul even though he had a small and chubby body would still get a hand full while we would be left with tethers and taters. Well the going motto around canteen was "If you can steal it, You can eat it" Ownership and right to property didn't matter as much as numbers and sheer brute strength in deciding who gets what(and yeah knuckles and punches were also on the menu for greedy bastartds who ate it all)
Gujjrati: "Bhen ke laude mere ghar wale mujhe khaane ke liye paise dete hain bhikmangoon ko khilane ke liye nahin"
Gujjrati then walked out of the bunker's spot(Yes we had one like most normal schools have and if you don't know about it then you were probably one those ass fucked kid's who would bury themselves in books and in teachers asses) maybe to get some fresh air or water or cause he was fuking scared things might go bad.
We were bunking our physics lecture now the teacher was named Mr.Sharma
The Beard Man: "Oye Ratul is gujjrati ke maa chodte hain bahut ban raha hai?"
Ratul: "Haha bhai chodne ke kya zarrurat hai vo to khud he chuda pada hai"
The Pant(Ye dusra bakchod hai): "Gujjrati bhen ke laude ke piche kitna sariya karte ho tum bechara baith bhi na pata aajkal chain se. Dekh 5 min baitha tha aur dard shuru ho gaya abb balm lagane gaya hai"
Ratul : "Pant tere wale kaise hai kya naam hai uska???
The Pant: "Oye pitega tu sale"
Ratul:"N.....i.....k......i"
And then they vanished into the horizon I think ratul came back with a few kick marks on his buttocks.
The Beard Man:"Pant Niki ke photo voto dikha? Dikhate kaise hai? Bubbe kaise hain? "
And then there was another high speed chase.
The Beard Man: "Oye gujjrati wapas aa raha hai."
Ratul: "Chal iske lete hain"
Ratul:"Gujjrati upar kiska period chal raha hai?"
Gujjrati:"Physics sharma ka"
Ratul: "Oye tera naam bhi Sharma hai na"
Gujjrati knew that the ratul express was on its way to fuck him in the ass again
Ratul:"And tere maa baap Nagar hai"
The Beard Man: "Gujjarati jaldi uppar ja tera saloon se bichda baap uppar physics padha raha hai"
Now ratul knew full well that The Beard Man will make this a new trend in the school "Gujjrati ka baap sharma hai".
Day after that I saw fight between The Bearded Man and The Gujjrati While Ratul sat atop the benches enjoying and laughing at the scene.
In my two years of stay with him, I figured part of his technique that made him so damn notorious in our friend circle. He would usually imply only a certain part of the thing while leaving the rest for our dirty mind to work out. He had another ace up his sleeve the I can make you fight card. He would often blabber one thing from one person to another and end up getting them to fight each other. Yes! He would be there to watch it with uncontrollable laughter. I wonder if he like Antony would say to himself after he did these things " Mischief, thou art afoot.Take thou what course thou wilt!".(haan bhen ke lodon mein yahan pe apne angreze ke skills jhaad raha tha, Thekh hai bhai itna lamba chauda panchnama type kar raha hoon kuch to show off karunga)
Now we move off to another main character of our story The Beard Man (offcourse codenamed). And then to the third important dish in our menu "The Gujjrati"(double jj's so as to not offend any of our gujju ;) brethren)
Ratul: "Oye Gujjrati tere maa ke chut bhen ke laude!
Gujjrati: "Maine kya kiya hai be?"
Ratul:"Harami aaj canteen mein mujhe dekh ke sara samosa ek baar mein kha gaye"
Now for those of you unfamiliar with Ratul's daily routine let me enlighten you. His routine of lunch time involved secretly following The Gujjrati to the canteen who would try to make sure no one was around and then buy his lunch it was at this time that he and the rest of our gang(Yes!! We were damn food thief during school. Guess I owe a lot of kids their lunch money.) would attack and eat whatever we could get our hands on (Yeah Yeah! I know we were not just mere thief we were scavengers) Ratul even though he had a small and chubby body would still get a hand full while we would be left with tethers and taters. Well the going motto around canteen was "If you can steal it, You can eat it" Ownership and right to property didn't matter as much as numbers and sheer brute strength in deciding who gets what(and yeah knuckles and punches were also on the menu for greedy bastartds who ate it all)
Gujjrati: "Bhen ke laude mere ghar wale mujhe khaane ke liye paise dete hain bhikmangoon ko khilane ke liye nahin"
Gujjrati then walked out of the bunker's spot(Yes we had one like most normal schools have and if you don't know about it then you were probably one those ass fucked kid's who would bury themselves in books and in teachers asses) maybe to get some fresh air or water or cause he was fuking scared things might go bad.
We were bunking our physics lecture now the teacher was named Mr.Sharma
The Beard Man: "Oye Ratul is gujjrati ke maa chodte hain bahut ban raha hai?"
Ratul: "Haha bhai chodne ke kya zarrurat hai vo to khud he chuda pada hai"
The Pant(Ye dusra bakchod hai): "Gujjrati bhen ke laude ke piche kitna sariya karte ho tum bechara baith bhi na pata aajkal chain se. Dekh 5 min baitha tha aur dard shuru ho gaya abb balm lagane gaya hai"
Ratul : "Pant tere wale kaise hai kya naam hai uska???
The Pant: "Oye pitega tu sale"
Ratul:"N.....i.....k......i"
And then they vanished into the horizon I think ratul came back with a few kick marks on his buttocks.
The Beard Man:"Pant Niki ke photo voto dikha? Dikhate kaise hai? Bubbe kaise hain? "
And then there was another high speed chase.
The Beard Man: "Oye gujjrati wapas aa raha hai."
Ratul: "Chal iske lete hain"
Ratul:"Gujjrati upar kiska period chal raha hai?"
Gujjrati:"Physics sharma ka"
Ratul: "Oye tera naam bhi Sharma hai na"
Gujjrati knew that the ratul express was on its way to fuck him in the ass again
Ratul:"And tere maa baap Nagar hai"
The Beard Man: "Gujjarati jaldi uppar ja tera saloon se bichda baap uppar physics padha raha hai"
Now ratul knew full well that The Beard Man will make this a new trend in the school "Gujjrati ka baap sharma hai".
Day after that I saw fight between The Bearded Man and The Gujjrati While Ratul sat atop the benches enjoying and laughing at the scene.
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