Ratul when he was not busy with blurting abuses, organizing fights and
creating a mischief or pretty much laying out his well though plan for
world war three would be found cooking rice at him home for lunch.
Sometimes he would just try to get those wicked thoughts out of his mind
and try to concentrate on something that wasn't much of his forte,
STUDIES. Yeah, he studied, sometimes(Yeah he did, you know why? Because
even our little devil had something known as THE DADDY). But, poor guy,
he never had much of luck in it. Well actually our group was
stereotyped by the teachers, so there wasn't much scope for scoring.
Even during class we were the mischief makers (DEVILs inductive effect,
I guess), while others sat with grumpy faces. Maths can rob any kid of
his sanity but add to its Mrs.Goma and you have the perfect mixture
for torture room.(I need to check my cousins phone bill if the devils
been contacting him.....I am definitely going to my TANTRIC BABA.
Getting a tawez might be helpful....he's still giving me creppy looks.
lokks like he knows I'm writing about HE WHO SHOULD NOT BE NAMED :P)
Dawat: Oye maiyachod, ghar par no. bata diye?(Now you won't believe it
but Dawat is specy and was named the homecoming queen. Or was he? Ohh
sorry! he was the KING OF something. Ohh yeah facebook or was it
orkut?. Well if you know him then you know he's like the hutch dog
always online for you. He even once had this status “Zukrbrgs busy, may
I help you”)
Ratul: Chal madarchod, baap gand mein garam sariya de dega.
Saddy: huhuhuh(now this is a trademark of our group so if you're not a
member please refrain from doing huhuhuhu in public as much as it's
retarded and stupid without friends who understand and respond to it you
would be labeled a mentally insane ). Teri to gand mar gayi. Kitne aye
tere maths mein?
(Saddy was another guy in the group,and the co
writer of Ratul ki kahaniya. Poor guy was always tortured by other guys
of the group for falling for a girl that was different(yeah just like
the maggi pichku add SHE was DIFFERENT!!). He was also sometimes
referred to as OUTCAST(No one makes love to a ketchup bottle and gets
away with it). Well you guys must have an idea what he really was
referred to as, but I am trying to avoid Saucy Advertisement over here.)
Ratul: 10 aye hai madarchod. Itna padha firbhi maa ki lodhi ne sab galat kar diya?
Dawat: hahahah. Aur padh madarchod.Tera bhai to bina padhe aaya tha aur firbhi 40 no. Ise kehte hai efficiency.
Ratul: Efficiency baba ji ka ghanta. Chup ho jao madarchodo ab, goma dekh rahi hai.
Goma was our good-for-nothing maths teacher. She had special love for our protagonist, RATUL.
Goma: Waha kya baat ho rahi hai? Ratul khade ho jao, kya baat kar raho ho.
Ratul(under his breath): Maa ke lodho, bola tha chup ho jao.( poor him, He was about to get fucked up :D :D ).
Goma(going over to his seat): Kya baat kar raho ho tum sab. Padhte kyun
nahi ho? Ratul, tum batao, kitne aye the maths mein tumhare?
Ratul: Mam, 10.
Goma: batao ab, firbhi nahi padh rahe ho.
Ratul: Mam, sab padhke aya tha. Apne sab galat kar diya.
Goma: Galat tha tabhi to kiya. Achcha, wo jo question board par likha hai batao kaise hoga?
Ratul: Mam, nahi ata (hanging his head like a dog).
Goma:Are koshish to karo, ANDAR SE AYGA.
Ratul: Mam, andar se kuch aur hi na ajaye.
(LOL. he really said that. Goma gave him a defeated look and went away, leaving all of us laughing our asses off.)
Bimari: HAHAHHA: Ratul marli teri to.
Ratul:( he is pissed off, now he will start his machine gun flow, with
saliva erupting from every corner of his mouth into the near vicinity.
RUN FOR THE HILLS) Abe o bimari, madarchod tere baap ne to teri gand
mein tent house he de rakha hai pura, M**AN Tent house wale ke!(Bimari's
father's name was similar to a tent house company's name so ratul came
up with this unique refrence for Mr.Bimari) Pure din to apna lodha book
mein daal kar rakhta hai! madarchod! Bhag ja yahan se. Saale laddo gand
mein lekar baitha reheta hai haraami, maa ka lodha ghar se bahaar kabhi
dikhta nahi. Chutiye saale SEX TOY ( HE said the whole sentence within 3
seconds in a single breath. He should consider turning into a RAPPER).
Saddy (aka OUTCAST): AHAHAHAH. Shant Ratul, shant.
Ratul: Madarchod bhadwe OUTCAST. saale bhosdi ke IT's DIFFERENT, (Now
saddi had a crush on girl that was lets say different, I know what
you're dirt mind is thinking but it was not like that offcurse SADI was
straight or so I think! So this did not go untoiced to Mr.Ratul.)Maggi
pichku ke daba daba ke marta hai tu pata hai mujhe! bhosdi ke marja
sale, Lodha katwaa le apna sector 4 ke kasai ke pass sale kutton bhi na
khayenga tere katte hue lode ko. Haraami ne gore bubbe dekhe nahi ki
land fadfadaane laga. Ruk saale tere tau ko batata hun kya gulchcharre
udaata hai tu school mein. Jab tak teri haddi na tutegi tu na sudhrega.
Aur tu kya has raha hai be DAWAT, saale nepali refugee, momos ki dukaan
khol le tu to....(Dawat our friend was labeled by Mr.Ratul as a
indo-china joint venture owing to his "OOH SABHJI" like facial feature
and offcurse the eyes the nepali eyes who in India doesn't know about
these jwells of the mountain. :P )
Before he could finish he received few blows from DAWAT. That helped him to calm down a bit, though for the time being only.
Really, if he gets pissed of, he goes ballistics, spitting countless
words every second that nobody else can. I still remember him tearing
his maths sheet into bits when he got 10 marks, swearing at GOMA at an
amazing rate. Soon the bell rang, and our torturer left us on our own
(She seemed more relieved than us that the class was over. Guess the
feeling of being tortured was mutual). As soon as break started our
class got flooded with bitches and fags of other section.( No they were
not there to get blessings from Ratul baba. They came there to rob
any kid of his well earned lunch box.)
Panti slowly slipped his
crooked fingers into Saddy’s bag and ran with his Tiffin before he
could even realize what happened. Panti ran towards the door when he
was blocked by a huge HULKish guy named Deva.
“Abe dikhaiyo kya khane mein hai.”
“HAT BHAANCHOD.” Said Panti and stuffed everything into his mouth. He
has some stamina when it comes to eating.(He did eat a lot. He held a
record for eating 10 plates of momo on a single day. Now thats some
balistic record. And yeah his stomach also went balistic the next day.
Guess he must have spend)
“Bhenchod kaise ho tum log? Ek bhuke ko khila bhi nahi sakte.” Poor Deva.
“Are, GUJJRATI bhi yahan hai, aur bhai gujju, maine suna hai BEARDED MAN se ki SHARMA tera DADA hai?”
“Sale HULK maze mat le, bhaag ja yahan se.” Gujjrati said, trying to cover his tiffin.
“Abe dikha to khane mein ke laya hai tu?” He peeped into his tiffin,
grabbed whatever he could grab, stuffed his mouth again and went
forward, leaving a mist of destruction on our GUJJRATI’s face.
“Are RATUL bhai kaisa hai? Khane mei kya laya hai?.”
“Bhaagja bhadwe saale TABELE mein rehene wale kutte yahan se. Ghar wale
waise bhi kuch dino mein khaana band karne wale hai. Main na de raha
kuch khaane ke liye.”
“Are bhai dikha to laya kya hai?” Deva replied
“BAINGAN” Dawat added from behind.
“Are fir to tu hi kha! Waise kuch aur achcha na la sakta tha khane ke liye?” Added Deva.
“Iske ghar walo ne ise ye dediya bhot badi baat hai. Sala maths mein 10 no laya hai.” Saddy added.
Ratul turned towards Saddy, red faced, ready to explode. You must have
an idea what followed. A barrage of insults, while poor Saddy ducked
for cover.
“HAHAHAHAHA. 10 no. saale mere 11 no aagye. Aur mujhe to
saala chapters ke naam bhi na pata. Waise NCERT book se hi padhte hai
na hum?” Said DEVA, who looked really content, as if the news of Ratuls
marks had filled his monstrous tummy up.
“Bhenchod saale Tabele ke
kutte saale tu to shant hi hoja haraami sale. Saale tu bas GUJJU ki hi
le sakta hai chutiye. Mujhe GUJJRATI mat samajhiyo. Saale waise hi
dimaag ki sanki hui hai aur mat kharaab kar.”
GUJJU looked behind
when he heard his mention and said “Bhai ab maine kya kiya?” (YES
Gujjrati was the chutia of our class. Or maybe we used to tease him so
much that he developed the habit of looking behind his back. When you
can trust no one then always keep eyes on your back. Sadly GUJJRATI was
to busy with looking right and left at girls and thus his butt would
always be on the recieving end.)
Deva got a little pissed off now.
He moved towards Ratul threateningly towards Ratul, until he was
towering in front of him, while Ratul stood his ground, unfazed.
Deva:
“Are bhai gussa kyun hota hai. Khale tu apna khana. Pareshaan na ho.
Agli baar ajaenge no. Bhai hai tu apna.” Deva said, softening. Then
added.
BUSHKAR: are bhai kya hua? Ratul ka mooh kyun latka hua hai?
Panti: Aagaya Bloody BAst**D
Dawat : Is chutiye ke maths mein 10 no aaye hai, itna padhne ke baad bhi
BUSHKAR : hohohohoh. Saala mera maths to optional subject hai, main 13 no le aya.
“Par saale 10 no. Had hi hoti hai ye to” Then hi burst into laughter and then everyone joined.
“Ye launda kitno se chudega?” Asked Panti as in the advert. Of COCA COLA.
“DUS.” Added Dawat, and the laughter grew, while Ratul continued his insult gun fired up on all cylinders.
"Dum da dum da dum, DUS KA GAM." Sang Panti and Dawat in chorus.
"Bhenchodo, tumhari gand mein dedunga dus ke dus........." Ratul kept going with his profanities.
Entered another character, Mr. FOOTBALL.
“Oye kya ho raha hai yahan.”
“Kuch nahi bhai, is maiyachod ki chod rahe hai.” DAWAT said.
“Mere bhai ko koi kuch na bolega. Chal bhai Ratul, chalte hai yahan se. Kuch khake aate hai.”
We all watched as Mr. FOOTBALL and Ratul made their way out of the
class, while we all enjoyed our moment of triumph. ONCE in a lifetime
moment, really
Credits-
Written by aditya
Ideas Input- Sarthak Rawat
Editing and comments- Ishan Tiwari(P@NW@REL@L)
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