I sat next to alice in my living room, while the T.V. was still playing at a considerable volume the reports of recent bombimng and killing in a U.S millitary base.I was wondering what in hell was she doing here? After everything steve put me through. I was suspended from my job, facing a judicial enquiry with a penalty upto of life term, There were guys in suits following me around, my phonse was tapped my internet connection
compromised, my bank accounts sealed, my family was being harassed and i was under federal
investigation.
Yet here his daughter was sitting in front of me. she looked tired, sad and ashamed and when i
met her eyes i could see the endless pain and suffering in them. Considering what i am going through simply because i was a friend and supporter, she as his daughter would be facing much worse. She could not look me up in the eyes, and i felt guilty for enjoying her pain.She had done nothing wrong to me yet still somwhere in the deep dark corner of my heart i wanted her too be sad and suffer because i knew
she was the only thing steve loved and maybe her pain would hurt him too no matter where ever he is.
"isn't lynda around?"
she spoke after a long moment of silence. The tormented have a way of resorting to silence because theres nothing they can say or do to make their tormenter understand their pain. Here i was the one tormenting her maybe she expected the same warm welcome if not a hug and support in this moments of crisis that i once used to showered her with and one she needed right now desperately needed.
She was having trouble keeping the conversation going partly because of her guilt and pain and partly
because of my coldness, i had never been cold to her and even i could feel how much i had changed in two days, but when you're beliefs and trusts are shredded down to earth , you need to blame others to survive and usually sumone whom you can hurt so atleast you're not the only miserable thing on this planet and usually its those you love ,Was I doing to her on purpose what had been done to me ,maybe yes but for greater part i could not think straight right now my pain was to much for me to bear.
"No...She left me...thanks to you're dear father" i replied acidly. Why would she stick around with a boyfriend like me.
"she looked down and a few tears dropped from her eyes" i am not usually the hurting type but pain and loss can make any man a monster.I tried to ignore her wishing she would leave. i listened intendly to the news atleast to take my mind off her, My emotions were not right with her around. The reporter was interviewing a mr.cave father of the deceased seargent jhon cave "what had my son done to deserve to die so young?"
the news named a ahmed the man suspected masterminding and carrying out of the bombing ..
"I moved in with my uncle" she tried to start a conversation again.
"I came here to tell you my fathers wish....."she burst into sobs
"I don't want anything to do with your father or you" my voice was rissing
in betweeen her sobs she looked up and for a moment my heart shrank.....was i really doing this to the girl who once played on my lap. I had known her for 13 years and she was no more than 16 years old yet still i could not gain control of myself...just a few weeks ago i would have been too happy to have her around she was everything a father could ever ask for and today i could not even stand her sight "Please leave.....I...I...dont ...cant " my voice trailled off in between the emotions were taking a toll on me. And its hard to break up in front of person who you want to hate .
"here" she left a locket on the table and left running out of the house with tears in her
eyes. It's easy to hate a person who puts you through pain but its difficult to hate a
person who is already in pain and his grief and pain are no less if not even greater than
yours. Steve might have messed up my life but he had surely destroyed hers.
I used to take proud in being a self made man, a man who stood up against all the bullshit
god or destiny threw at me and yet came out as a winner but today at time of crisis the
situations were playing me i was no more interested in doing the right in doing best I was
doing just what the situation was asking me to do.
On the table was a pendant With inscription Amicus Semper.
"Please do comment I am just a novice writer and your comments will surely be helpfull"
Note-Amicus Semper= friends forever(Latin)
compromised, my bank accounts sealed, my family was being harassed and i was under federal
investigation.
Yet here his daughter was sitting in front of me. she looked tired, sad and ashamed and when i
met her eyes i could see the endless pain and suffering in them. Considering what i am going through simply because i was a friend and supporter, she as his daughter would be facing much worse. She could not look me up in the eyes, and i felt guilty for enjoying her pain.She had done nothing wrong to me yet still somwhere in the deep dark corner of my heart i wanted her too be sad and suffer because i knew
she was the only thing steve loved and maybe her pain would hurt him too no matter where ever he is.
"isn't lynda around?"
she spoke after a long moment of silence. The tormented have a way of resorting to silence because theres nothing they can say or do to make their tormenter understand their pain. Here i was the one tormenting her maybe she expected the same warm welcome if not a hug and support in this moments of crisis that i once used to showered her with and one she needed right now desperately needed.
She was having trouble keeping the conversation going partly because of her guilt and pain and partly
because of my coldness, i had never been cold to her and even i could feel how much i had changed in two days, but when you're beliefs and trusts are shredded down to earth , you need to blame others to survive and usually sumone whom you can hurt so atleast you're not the only miserable thing on this planet and usually its those you love ,Was I doing to her on purpose what had been done to me ,maybe yes but for greater part i could not think straight right now my pain was to much for me to bear.
"No...She left me...thanks to you're dear father" i replied acidly. Why would she stick around with a boyfriend like me.
"she looked down and a few tears dropped from her eyes" i am not usually the hurting type but pain and loss can make any man a monster.I tried to ignore her wishing she would leave. i listened intendly to the news atleast to take my mind off her, My emotions were not right with her around. The reporter was interviewing a mr.cave father of the deceased seargent jhon cave "what had my son done to deserve to die so young?"
the news named a ahmed the man suspected masterminding and carrying out of the bombing ..
"I moved in with my uncle" she tried to start a conversation again.
"I came here to tell you my fathers wish....."she burst into sobs
"I don't want anything to do with your father or you" my voice was rissing
in betweeen her sobs she looked up and for a moment my heart shrank.....was i really doing this to the girl who once played on my lap. I had known her for 13 years and she was no more than 16 years old yet still i could not gain control of myself...just a few weeks ago i would have been too happy to have her around she was everything a father could ever ask for and today i could not even stand her sight "Please leave.....I...I...dont ...cant " my voice trailled off in between the emotions were taking a toll on me. And its hard to break up in front of person who you want to hate .
"here" she left a locket on the table and left running out of the house with tears in her
eyes. It's easy to hate a person who puts you through pain but its difficult to hate a
person who is already in pain and his grief and pain are no less if not even greater than
yours. Steve might have messed up my life but he had surely destroyed hers.
I used to take proud in being a self made man, a man who stood up against all the bullshit
god or destiny threw at me and yet came out as a winner but today at time of crisis the
situations were playing me i was no more interested in doing the right in doing best I was
doing just what the situation was asking me to do.
On the table was a pendant With inscription Amicus Semper.
"Please do comment I am just a novice writer and your comments will surely be helpfull"
Note-Amicus Semper= friends forever(Latin)
No comments:
Post a Comment